Friday, July 20, 2012

Scarlet [five sentence fiction]

Glancing at her parents, she slowly unwrapped the box, taking time to fold the wrapping paper for reuse. She looked at the box, she didn't dare wish or even hope that they had bought her what she wanted; her dream shoes, the ones guaranteed to bring attention to her and help her feet fly in the race today.

No, they were too expensive, she knew that and she knew that as much as her parents loved her, the shoes she wanted - the shoes she needed, would not be in the box. Determined to look happy regardless of what the box contained, she pasted a sappy smile on her face, took a deep breath, opened the box lid and moved the white tissue paper aside.

She gasped in surprise, the silly smile wiped out with an expression of sheer joy, a pair of brand new Scarlet Red Nike Air Max 90 shoes; the impossible was now possible, her parents had proven that and she believed it with her heart.


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18 comments:

  1. Loved the build up, I'm so glad she got the shoes she wanted in the end :)

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  2. So sweet, with that bittersweet edge of trying not to get your hopes up for something that means so much. :)

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  3. Everyone has these moments where you have to stuff down hope--so for her to get exactly what she wanted: such a great feeling to read. I loved this. Made me think of one of my students.

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  4. Glad everyone enjoyed it...it was a fun write.

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  5. Very nice. You captured the anxiety & the anticipation of the moment well and show us enough of the character to know that she deserves the joy she receives in the end.

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  6. Very creative take on the prompt, and I always love a happy ending.

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  7. Very sweet...so wonderful when something like that happens... gives her all the confidence she needs :)

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  8. Aw... I love this one. That her parents so believed in her giving her that extra belief in herself was really lovely. I, too, have a pair of scarlet Nikes! I will think of this story when I wear them.

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  9. Loved, loved, loved this! We all know the desire of wanting somenthing so badly but so out of reach and the sheer surrprise of receiving it is just gorgeous. I'm so pleased she got the shoes and I bet she now wins that race!! Excellent. xxx

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  10. Thanks for stopping in and commenting everyone!! I appreciate it...

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  11. What a thoroughly likeable child; great piece and topical too.

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  12. I love how she steels herself for disappointment, how she puts her family first in spite of how desperately she wants those shoes. And a happy ending! Even more awesome!

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  13. The impossible was now possible! Hope and faith are wonderous things. I can picture her face changing from the set smile to joy. Lovely Donna, really lovely :))

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  14. Waving hello @Sandra, Kern & Jo-Anne, glad you stopped in and enjoyed the tale.

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  15. And now, I too want these fantastic shoes!

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  16. I had that same feeling, Britton. LOL!

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  17. This child has a wonderful temperament!
    And this is a wonderful and feel-good tale! Dreams do come true... *sighs*

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  18. Glad I'm not the only one who saves the wrapping paper :) Great story!!!

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