Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Awkward [five sentence fiction]

It's been way too long since I wrote any flash fiction and I've missed it. Going to try my hand at the latest challenge from Lillie McFerrin's Five Sentence Fiction. The prompt word is awkward.

[source]
Slowly she placed one foot in front of the other, pacing herself, hoping she wouldn't fall as she babied the injured ankle.

All eyes were on her as she walked up the stairs, measuring each step carefully, holding her breath till she reached the top, not wanting to dishonor those who had come before her.

Raising her eyes she looked at the men standing in front of her, all standing tall and erect, their pride shining around them like haloes.

She stood still briefly, closed her eyes, straightened her shoulders and thought about her reasons for being here.

No longer feeling awkward or embarrassed, she crossed the stage to accept the Medal of Honor posthumously awarded to her husband.




11 comments:

  1. Oh, Donna, that last line is a real kicker. Beautiful job edging up the emotional tension with each sentence and then eviscerating us!

    Nice to see you "flashing" again!

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  2. Oh, that last sentence is so vividly gut-wrenching. So, wonderful to read your writing again :)

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  3. Having taken part in the last couple of FSF has made me realise just how hard it is to create a picture in so few words (Im very much a rambler). You did it beautifully particularly with that last line.

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  4. Darn you! Now I've got tears in my eyes and a full heart. Very moving.

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  5. Very moving and so evocative, I could see her walking so carefully up those steps... Please continue to participate in FSF :-)

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  6. That last sentence pulled everything together - very nice.

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  7. Thank you everyone for all your wonderful comments. I started out in a different direction but the story took me here.

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  8. It has been far too long since we saw your name beside a new piece of flash fiction writing.

    This is lovely, Donna. The way it's written, a reader really does feel like they are accompanying her up the stairs. Heartfelt ending. I've missed your writing!

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  9. There is not a button for gut wrenching; cool just does not fit this. That was outstanding!! Thanks mom!! You rock!!

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