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Saturday, July 6, 2013

Flight [Five Sentence Fiction]

Flight [Five Sentence Fiction]
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As she silently slipped into her clothes, she glanced over at the sleeping body and knew this would be the last time she would ever have to look at that face, now lit eerily by the full moon outside the window.

Pulling her already packed duffel bag out of the closet, she tip-toed through the kitchen towards the back door, holding her breath and pausing briefly when the old wooden floor creaked under her shabby moccasins.

Finally she exhaled and continued her quiet journey, sighing in relief as her hand reached the door, knowing she was almost free - finally.

Then she heard it, footsteps stomping down the stairs and her heart raced with panic as she fumbled with the knob..

His voice roared from the darkness, "Davina, where the hell do you think you're going?"


Lillie McFerrin Writes




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15 comments:

  1. AnonymousJuly 6, 2013 at 8:02 AM

    Oh, my...this sounds intense. I would like to know more.

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    1. Donna B. McNicolJuly 6, 2013 at 11:19 AM

      Thanks, Ann. Now I'm off to read the other entries. :)

      Delete
  2. Maggie GraceJuly 6, 2013 at 8:02 PM

    I used to work with women in a marriage/relationship of violence. Statistically, when the woman tries to leave is when most homicides occur. It is so frightening helping a woman to plan that moment of leaving and terrifying knowing when she is going to go through with it. Nice write and very realistic.

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    1. Donna B. McNicolJuly 6, 2013 at 9:34 PM

      Thank you, Maggie. I did some volunteer work being the on-call overnight person. I'll never forget one call I took and I always wondered if she got out and got out unscathed.

      Delete
  3. Christine RainsJuly 6, 2013 at 8:44 PM

    Oh oh! Intense little piece.

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  4. UnknownJuly 7, 2013 at 8:20 AM

    So much tension is created here and the will for her to escape the brutal relationship she is in. A fab read. xx


    This is such a heartbreaking piece. I could feel her solitude and despair. A really vivid piece of writing. xx


    http://40somethingundomesticateddevil.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/5-sentence-fiction-flight-part-5-zoe-as.html

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    1. Donna B. McNicolJuly 7, 2013 at 11:45 AM

      Thanks Lizzie, nice to see you pop in. Off to read yours!

      Delete
  5. AnonymousJuly 7, 2013 at 8:46 AM

    Just run Davina. She should have hit him harder.. Be cool to know what happens next..xx

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    1. Donna B. McNicolJuly 7, 2013 at 11:48 AM

      Thanks, Rosalind. Here's hoping she made it out the door... ;-)

      Delete
  6. allmylivesnowJuly 7, 2013 at 5:48 PM

    Turn that door knob and run!!! I hope she had her cell phone in her hand with 911 dialed in. Poor thing. A true life read.

    Barbara @ www.allmylivesnow.com

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    1. Donna B. McNicolJuly 7, 2013 at 7:39 PM

      Thanks, Barbara. I suspect he didn't allow her to own a cell phone. :(

      Delete
  7. AnonymousJuly 8, 2013 at 10:30 AM

    I hope she was lighter on her feet than he was. How sad that there are so many people out there in abusive circumstances. An intense piece. Very powerful.

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    1. Donna B. McNicolJuly 8, 2013 at 10:55 AM

      Thank you, I hoped it conveyed her fear and his arrogance.

      Delete
  8. Jayne MartinJuly 8, 2013 at 2:19 PM

    Very original and powerful use of the prompt, Donna. Great imagery. You conveyed her desperation to flee to vividly. I hope she got that door open in time.

    http://injaynesworld.blogspot.com/2013/07/injaynesworld-its-nature-of-flight.html

    ReplyDelete

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